Fluffy: The big day! This is my year, I can feel it!
Fluffy: Any minute some young Romeo, shopping for foot cream, will see me out of the corner of his eye…
Tuffy: Just stop.
Fluffy: …and know I’m the one to bring joy to his lady love!
Tuffy: Push me off. I see an open bottle of Nyquil down there.
“Jesus Christ, my back hurts. I think that last kid dumped his Bubble Tea in my fur. I feel jelly running down my legs. Firefly, give me a look-see, will you?”
“Gumball,” Buttercup snorted. “Why are you constantly complaining? The Plaza is warm and dry. We have all the stuffing you can eat when we are hungry and mending when we are broken. The astroturf is clean and fresh. We make children happy. What else could you want?”
“An open gate and clear path towards the sunset,” said Gumball.
Silently, Firefly, Wildfire, Razzberry, Pandy, Cream Soda, Bluebell, and Stripes all agreed.
Pleased with the year’s abundant harvest, the people stack their crops to the sky, where sleeps Big Baby New Year.
On the morning of his birth, the elders douse the offering with151 and set it ablaze. As the oily black smoke rises to heaven, the villagers, garbed in wool suits and sensible loafers, spin and jerk around the square, dizzy on plastic fumes and successful commerce.
When she told him the meeting was rescheduled, moved to Miami to accommodate her travel schedule, a short stop between Trinidad and Detroit, his mind went right to palm trees and pastels, Lambos and Cuban girls with dark skin on white sand beaches. Elmore Leonard-style gun thugs sucking on toothpicks, killing time on a street corner, waiting for trouble.
When he checked in, though, and the automatic shades crawled up to the ceiling, he wondered why she didn’t just schedule the date for the handicap stall at Big Al’s Truck Stop, or that pirate hotel on Route 1.
“Watch out for them homo’s!” that guy in the hotel bar shouted at him, “they’ll try to turn you out.” Like the drunk was hoping, or jealous. But when his plane landed, he wondered if Miami didn’t have something else in mind.